So, you made a mistake. A big one. Maybe you were caught laundering
money to a terrorist-like group (woops, nope, that's "Revenge"). Or you
slept with your married ex-boyfriend in an elevator (Carrie Bradshaw.
Hello.) Whatever it is you did, your name has been dragged through the
mud and no $9.99 wash can make it look brand new again. Or so it seems.
We've all been there. We've even seen celebrities and American icons
blow it all on small, fragments of fun. Michael Phelps smoked some
hoo-ha after his gold medal. Now - a full four years later - reporters
claim: "On the Road to Redemption: Can Phelps Take London After an
Embarrassing Fall?" Even not-so-famous people are doing the wrong
things. Secret Service proved they weren't so secret after all when they
were caught with a hmm-hmm outside of a hotel room. "The incident does
not reflect a systematic problem." Meh-okay. But there is something that
they - and you - have in common: you can redeem yourself! Amend! Atone!
Absolve! (thank you, Webster). That's right. Simple things you can do
to put your name back in bright lights. Or at least a shameless one:
1. Perpetuate a good deed, whether it be in a printed newspaper or a newsfeed status. There
is nothing more annoying than seeing people immortalize their mundane
routine on social networks, but the only thing they need to do is read a
few words. So, make sure it's short, sweet, and to-the-point. Example:
"Fun day with the pound puppies!" [insert a picture of you playing with
the local dachshunds or bulldogs. Everyone loves puppy bulldogs.]
There's also nothing bad about helping our animal and human society.
2. Visit your grandparents - because they will always
love you no matter what. To them, you are still the wide-eyed,
nose-picking grandson or granddaughter who can do no wrong. And is it
just me or is it whenever you meet an older person, you automatically
talk in higher pitches and ask questions like "You got that?" or "Can I
help you?" Just me? Just me. But visit them anyway. If it doesn't work
then at least you got a great family visit out of it. And if you're
really lucky, a crisp, five-dollar bill.
3. Keep your mouth shut. For awhile anyways. Danny
Tanner told Michelle: "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say
anything at all." It's the opposite of gambling; you won't lose anything
if you have nothing on the table! You want it to turn to craps again?
No? Then do nothing but watch that ball on the roulette wheel, baby,
cause it ain't worth it.
Absolute Last Resort:
4. Change your name. Think of it as
re-inventing yourself rather than giving up. You've always loved the
name since you were little so why not make that dream come true. "Yes,
that says Princess Jasmine."
I was kidding about the name change. About the whole thing really.
So, you made a mistake. Big deal. Chances are you'll make another one.
Did you learn from it? Well, then that's all you need. Reporters may
write about it four years later or you may get fired from your job, but
everyone's choices are 50/50. And everyone knows that in Vegas those are
the best odds. But, seriously, no gambling. That only leads to trouble.
5/25/2012
