200-Pound Dumbbells

Picture this: the guy you're dating doesn't call you over the holidays, like he said he would. In most instances, this wouldn't be a big deal. If only this wasn't most instances - and if only this wasn't the 10th time he decided not to keep a promise. No matter what, a man should at least be as good as his word. 

Picture this: you're moving on with your life. You've found your own goals. You are unstoppable! Nothing is too big or too high to reach! There is some peace of mind in your heart and your swear you hear Natalie Cole's "(This Will Be) An Everlasting Love" play with every step you take.

Picture this: a mutual friend calls to see what's up:


"Have you heard from [The Guy You Were Dating]?"
All right time for the big guns.
"No, I haven't. But you know what, I'm okay. I don't need someone right now. I think somewhere deep down I knew that this was coming."
There you go. Good job.
"If someone doesn't want to make room for me in his life, why should I be sad about that?"
Bring on the positivity! Keep 'em coming!
"If he broke his promise about this, then he's bound to break his promise for other bigger, important things."
Take that, broken heart.
"Wait. He was supposed to call over Christmas break? The first week of January?"
Yea...?
"You know that he was in a ski accident, right? Over New Year's. That's probably why he couldn't call."

[pregnant pause]


"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you."


Who cares if you didn't tell me or not! For weeks I'm picturing this Godzilla that holds no remorse for the girl who's heart he chewed up and spit out onto the curb. All right maybe that's a little dramatic. Now, what am I doing? I might as well be kicking a sick puppy.


"He has to go to rehab. He only has one functioning arm. It's taking him twice as long to do things."
Good. I hope it takes him FIVE times as long to do things. I don't care if he's suffering or in pain. He didn't even call to tell me. I hope he can't get his one-handed jackhammer to work on his Pee Wee Herman either.


(And in the true hormonal fashion) Picture this: crying on the phone with my best friend not knowing why I'm so upset.


"I feel like such a jerk for thinking he was this monster. He's practically bed-ridden."
Okay that was dramatic too.
"Why am I crying? Why do I even care?"
You were so over him.


In between sobs and gasps of air, I was able to make out what my best friend so poignantly put into words: "Because you're alive. You're human. You have feelings. Don't feel guilty for thinking he was a jerk. How were you to know? You're crying not only because he got hurt and you care about him, but because he didn't think you were a person that could help him through this."


Isn't that what really hurts us as women? At the root of our personalities is the innate ability to be maternal, (paired with that secret female intuition that we can't even explain.) When someone says they don't need us in their time of need, it almost rips us to shreads. Emotionally, mentally...even physically! Think of your (future) five-year old son who lets go of your hand to join his new classmates on the first day of kindergarten. Or imagine waving to your parents as you enter the airport about to embark on your first college semester abroad. It hurts. But in a way, it hurts so good. Maybe this was his way of saying to let go. Let go because there's some thing (and some one) better out there waiting for me. Letting go doesn't kill you after all. And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.